Here they are, in no particular order...
1. Compassion. There's a lot more to effective
listening than paying attention. In order
to really understand what someone is
saying, you have to show you care about
what the person is trying to tell you, stick
with the conversation to hear the whole
message, and verify your understanding. If
the other person's feelings aren't important
to you, you won't make the effort.
2. Focus. Listening effectively requires
attending to both what is said and how a
person feels about what is said - the verbal
and the nonverbal messages. To absorb all
these elements, you have to pay attention
to them. You have to shift your focus away
from other activities, unrelated thoughts,
and external distractions.
3. Awareness. It isn't easy to pick up on
nonverbal messages. You have to notice
the little details - tone of voice, posture,
facial expressions, and hand gestures. You
can't check these out and relate them to
what is said if you aren't aware of them.
4. Self-discipline. You may have the presence
of mind to focus your attention and make
an effort to be aware of the whole
message, but the trick is to sustain this
during the entire conversation. Your mind
may want to wander but prevent it from wandering. There may be
distractions going on around you. And you
have to resist talking when you should be
listening. All this takes quite a bit of self-
control.
5. Patience. Not everyone communicates the
same way. A person who has something to
say may not say it the way you prefer to
hear it. You may hear a lot of detail before
someone gets to the point. Or someone
may hit you with the bottom line with no
explanation. Or you may have to endure
repetitiousness. Meanwhile, you may feel
anxious because the other person isn't
telling you what you feel you need to hear.
It takes patience not to express your
anxiety, to let the speaker communicate in
his or her say own way.
Not all of us are blessed with an abundance
of compassion, focus, awareness, self-
discipline or patience. But we all have the
ability to stretch. We can reach for more of
one of these strengths when needed,
especially when we know we have to. If
you do, your interactions will go your way
a lot more often....
Monday, 27 February 2012
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
How to Let Go and Forgive
How to Let Go and Forgive
We’ve all been hurt by someone at some time or another, we were treated badly, trust was broken or hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for so long. We feel the pain over and over, and have a hard time
letting go. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work, study & family and other important things, it
makes us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the life's beauty.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior because you cannot control that. All it means, is that you are letting go of the anger & pain and moving on to something better.
It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.
If you’re holding onto pain, remembering it, and can’t let go and forgive, read on for some things I’ve learned.
1. Commit to letting go
You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So let go, because you realize that the pain is hurting you.
2. Think about the advantages and disadvantages.
What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this
person? With others? Does it affect work, study or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the
benefits of forgiveness, how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
3. Realize you have a choice.
You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
4. Empathize
Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to
him in the past to make him do what he did? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.
5. Understand your responsibility.
Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.
6. Focus on the present.
Realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems. So instead, bring your focus back to the present moment.
What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past. You will inevitably start thinking about the past, but just acknowledge that, and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.
7. Allow peace to enter your life.
As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.
8. Feel compassion.
Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart. It may take time, but if you’re stuck on this point, repeat some of the ones above until you can get here.
Finally, commit the person to God and ask Him to touch his/her heart and make him see the benefit in forgiving.
Try this few steps and you will realize that Letting Go and Forgiving is easy.
Written by DonDhammih & Edited by Hisjoy.....
If you enjoyed what you just read, kindly forward it to a friend. Thank You.
We’ve all been hurt by someone at some time or another, we were treated badly, trust was broken or hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for so long. We feel the pain over and over, and have a hard time
letting go. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work, study & family and other important things, it
makes us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the life's beauty.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior because you cannot control that. All it means, is that you are letting go of the anger & pain and moving on to something better.
It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.
If you’re holding onto pain, remembering it, and can’t let go and forgive, read on for some things I’ve learned.
1. Commit to letting go
You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So let go, because you realize that the pain is hurting you.
2. Think about the advantages and disadvantages.
What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this
person? With others? Does it affect work, study or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the
benefits of forgiveness, how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
3. Realize you have a choice.
You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
4. Empathize
Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to
him in the past to make him do what he did? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.
5. Understand your responsibility.
Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.
6. Focus on the present.
Realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems. So instead, bring your focus back to the present moment.
What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past. You will inevitably start thinking about the past, but just acknowledge that, and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.
7. Allow peace to enter your life.
As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.
8. Feel compassion.
Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart. It may take time, but if you’re stuck on this point, repeat some of the ones above until you can get here.
Finally, commit the person to God and ask Him to touch his/her heart and make him see the benefit in forgiving.
Try this few steps and you will realize that Letting Go and Forgiving is easy.
Written by DonDhammih & Edited by Hisjoy.....
If you enjoyed what you just read, kindly forward it to a friend. Thank You.
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