Here they are, in no particular order...
1. Compassion. There's a lot more to effective
listening than paying attention. In order
to really understand what someone is
saying, you have to show you care about
what the person is trying to tell you, stick
with the conversation to hear the whole
message, and verify your understanding. If
the other person's feelings aren't important
to you, you won't make the effort.
2. Focus. Listening effectively requires
attending to both what is said and how a
person feels about what is said - the verbal
and the nonverbal messages. To absorb all
these elements, you have to pay attention
to them. You have to shift your focus away
from other activities, unrelated thoughts,
and external distractions.
3. Awareness. It isn't easy to pick up on
nonverbal messages. You have to notice
the little details - tone of voice, posture,
facial expressions, and hand gestures. You
can't check these out and relate them to
what is said if you aren't aware of them.
4. Self-discipline. You may have the presence
of mind to focus your attention and make
an effort to be aware of the whole
message, but the trick is to sustain this
during the entire conversation. Your mind
may want to wander but prevent it from wandering. There may be
distractions going on around you. And you
have to resist talking when you should be
listening. All this takes quite a bit of self-
control.
5. Patience. Not everyone communicates the
same way. A person who has something to
say may not say it the way you prefer to
hear it. You may hear a lot of detail before
someone gets to the point. Or someone
may hit you with the bottom line with no
explanation. Or you may have to endure
repetitiousness. Meanwhile, you may feel
anxious because the other person isn't
telling you what you feel you need to hear.
It takes patience not to express your
anxiety, to let the speaker communicate in
his or her say own way.
Not all of us are blessed with an abundance
of compassion, focus, awareness, self-
discipline or patience. But we all have the
ability to stretch. We can reach for more of
one of these strengths when needed,
especially when we know we have to. If
you do, your interactions will go your way
a lot more often....
Monday, 27 February 2012
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
How to Let Go and Forgive
How to Let Go and Forgive
We’ve all been hurt by someone at some time or another, we were treated badly, trust was broken or hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for so long. We feel the pain over and over, and have a hard time
letting go. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work, study & family and other important things, it
makes us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the life's beauty.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior because you cannot control that. All it means, is that you are letting go of the anger & pain and moving on to something better.
It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.
If you’re holding onto pain, remembering it, and can’t let go and forgive, read on for some things I’ve learned.
1. Commit to letting go
You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So let go, because you realize that the pain is hurting you.
2. Think about the advantages and disadvantages.
What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this
person? With others? Does it affect work, study or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the
benefits of forgiveness, how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
3. Realize you have a choice.
You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
4. Empathize
Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to
him in the past to make him do what he did? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.
5. Understand your responsibility.
Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.
6. Focus on the present.
Realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems. So instead, bring your focus back to the present moment.
What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past. You will inevitably start thinking about the past, but just acknowledge that, and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.
7. Allow peace to enter your life.
As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.
8. Feel compassion.
Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart. It may take time, but if you’re stuck on this point, repeat some of the ones above until you can get here.
Finally, commit the person to God and ask Him to touch his/her heart and make him see the benefit in forgiving.
Try this few steps and you will realize that Letting Go and Forgiving is easy.
Written by DonDhammih & Edited by Hisjoy.....
If you enjoyed what you just read, kindly forward it to a friend. Thank You.
We’ve all been hurt by someone at some time or another, we were treated badly, trust was broken or hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for so long. We feel the pain over and over, and have a hard time
letting go. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work, study & family and other important things, it
makes us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the life's beauty.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Forgiveness can change your life.
Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behavior because you cannot control that. All it means, is that you are letting go of the anger & pain and moving on to something better.
It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it.
If you’re holding onto pain, remembering it, and can’t let go and forgive, read on for some things I’ve learned.
1. Commit to letting go
You aren’t going to do it in a second or maybe not even in a day. It can take time to get over something. So let go, because you realize that the pain is hurting you.
2. Think about the advantages and disadvantages.
What problems does this pain cause you? Does it affect your relationship with this
person? With others? Does it affect work, study or family? Does it stop you from pursuing your dreams, or becoming a better person? Does it cause you unhappiness? Think of all these problems, and realize you need to change. Then think of the
benefits of forgiveness, how it will make you happier, free you from the past and the pain, improve things with your relationships and life in general.
3. Realize you have a choice.
You cannot control the actions of others, and shouldn’t try. But you can control not only your actions, but your thoughts. You just need to learn how to exercise it.
4. Empathize
Put yourself in that person’s shoes. Try to understand why the person did what he did. Start from the assumption that the person isn’t a bad person, but just did something wrong. What could he have been thinking, what could have happened to
him in the past to make him do what he did? You aren’t saying what he did is right, but are instead trying to understand and empathize.
5. Understand your responsibility.
Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but to realize that we are not victims but participants in life.
6. Focus on the present.
Realize that the past is over. It isn’t happening anymore, except in your mind. And that causes problems. So instead, bring your focus back to the present moment.
What are you doing now? What joy can you find in what is happening right now? Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past. You will inevitably start thinking about the past, but just acknowledge that, and gently bring yourself back to the present moment.
7. Allow peace to enter your life.
As you focus on the present, try focusing on your breathing. Imagine each breath going out is the pain and the past, being released from your body and mind. And imagine each breath coming in is peace, entering you and filling you up. Release the pain and the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, thinking no longer of the past, but of peace and the present.
8. Feel compassion.
Finally, forgive the person and realize that in forgiveness, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person and wish happiness on them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart. It may take time, but if you’re stuck on this point, repeat some of the ones above until you can get here.
Finally, commit the person to God and ask Him to touch his/her heart and make him see the benefit in forgiving.
Try this few steps and you will realize that Letting Go and Forgiving is easy.
Written by DonDhammih & Edited by Hisjoy.....
If you enjoyed what you just read, kindly forward it to a friend. Thank You.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Happy New Year Everyone
Happy New Year Everyone
I wish you all a 2012 filled with love, happiness, kindness,
success, and God's grace.
May God bless you all so much this year, that you will continually shed
tears of immense joy.
May all your dreams come true, may all your prayers be
answered, and may you experience a miracle so unbelievable, that it will take your breath away.
May 2012 be the beginning of the best years of your life...
Happy New Year Everyone.
I wish you all a 2012 filled with love, happiness, kindness,
success, and God's grace.
May God bless you all so much this year, that you will continually shed
tears of immense joy.
May all your dreams come true, may all your prayers be
answered, and may you experience a miracle so unbelievable, that it will take your breath away.
May 2012 be the beginning of the best years of your life...
Happy New Year Everyone.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
6 Questions to Ask Yourself to Get the Most Out of Life
“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.
It’s the life in your years.”– Abraham Lincoln
I love reading lists of things to do before you die, but after reading several of these lists, I’ve realized that each list is a very personal thing. It can only apply to the writer of the list, and not to all
human beings in general.
I won’t try to tell you what to do before you die … but I will suggest some questions to figure out how to live … right now. Each and every day.
Because you never know how much time you have left, and
trying to cram a list of things into that unknown time can be futile.
Instead, live every day to the fullest. Get the most out of life.
1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
When someone
dies, you realize that you never know how much time you have with the people you love. They can go at any time — as can you. And so you must make the most of this
time.
If you aren’t spending time with the people you love, change that.
If you are holding a grudge against a family member, let it go and reconcile. If you’ve done something to hurt a loved one, ask for forgiveness. Drop the
pride, and make up. If you haven’t seen someone in awhile,
call them now to set up a date.
2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
What have you always wanted to do? Maybe
something you dreamed of as a
child but have given up as unrealistic? Maybe something
you still want to do but are afraid of failing? What fears are stopping you? And what would be the worst that could happen if you overcame those fears and pursued your dream?
If you’re already pursuing your dream, pat yourself on the back.
You’re doing awesome!
3. Am I doing something that matters?
There’s a difference
between doing work, and doing work that really matters. Much of the time, we use up the few days we have on this earth with busy-work, stuff that doesn’t make much difference, and that’s sadly a waste of our lives.
You should ask yourself, “Will this matter in five years?” I think this is a great
question. It helps you distinguish between trivial busy-work that
will take up all of your time but not matter in a few years, and tasks, projects and goals with high impact that will make a difference, in your career, in your life, in the lives of others.
4. What am I doing to help others?
Kind of ironically, you get the most out of life not just by taking what you can for yourself, but by giving to others. What have you done lately to help people out? Have you been kind to people? Have you been compassionate? Have you been there for anyone? Listened?
Volunteered for those in need? If you’re not doing anything to help others, this is a good time to figure out one thing you can do for someone, and put it into action. Ask this question on a
regular basis, and you’ll make kindness a habit.
“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”– Albert
Einstein
5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
I ask this of myself
all the time. Sometimes, when I’m
impatient or selfish or less-than-helpful, I think back on what I’ve said and done and realize that I could have done better. Instead of beating myself up about it, I
endeavor to try harder, to remember to allow my better
angels to guide me, to rise above the trivialities of life to a higher plane.
It’s not easy to be a good person, at least not all of the time. It’s
easier to be selfish, without thinking about it. But is that how you want to be remembered? Is that how you want to live your life? Give it some thought, and act accordingly.
6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?
You can do all the right things, and yet live a life that’s dull and sluggish. If you let your health go, you will have little energy and you will waste the minutes you have left on illness.
Instead, learn to live a healthy life, with good foods and exercise.
This will lead to more energy in your life. And then direct that
energy into something you’re
passionate about.
If you haven’t found that passion (or passions), start looking. You’ll thank me.
“We are always getting ready to live but never living.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks for reading. If you know someone who could benefit from this article, feel free to forward it to them.
It’s the life in your years.”– Abraham Lincoln
I love reading lists of things to do before you die, but after reading several of these lists, I’ve realized that each list is a very personal thing. It can only apply to the writer of the list, and not to all
human beings in general.
I won’t try to tell you what to do before you die … but I will suggest some questions to figure out how to live … right now. Each and every day.
Because you never know how much time you have left, and
trying to cram a list of things into that unknown time can be futile.
Instead, live every day to the fullest. Get the most out of life.
1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it?
When someone
dies, you realize that you never know how much time you have with the people you love. They can go at any time — as can you. And so you must make the most of this
time.
If you aren’t spending time with the people you love, change that.
If you are holding a grudge against a family member, let it go and reconcile. If you’ve done something to hurt a loved one, ask for forgiveness. Drop the
pride, and make up. If you haven’t seen someone in awhile,
call them now to set up a date.
2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me?
What have you always wanted to do? Maybe
something you dreamed of as a
child but have given up as unrealistic? Maybe something
you still want to do but are afraid of failing? What fears are stopping you? And what would be the worst that could happen if you overcame those fears and pursued your dream?
If you’re already pursuing your dream, pat yourself on the back.
You’re doing awesome!
3. Am I doing something that matters?
There’s a difference
between doing work, and doing work that really matters. Much of the time, we use up the few days we have on this earth with busy-work, stuff that doesn’t make much difference, and that’s sadly a waste of our lives.
You should ask yourself, “Will this matter in five years?” I think this is a great
question. It helps you distinguish between trivial busy-work that
will take up all of your time but not matter in a few years, and tasks, projects and goals with high impact that will make a difference, in your career, in your life, in the lives of others.
4. What am I doing to help others?
Kind of ironically, you get the most out of life not just by taking what you can for yourself, but by giving to others. What have you done lately to help people out? Have you been kind to people? Have you been compassionate? Have you been there for anyone? Listened?
Volunteered for those in need? If you’re not doing anything to help others, this is a good time to figure out one thing you can do for someone, and put it into action. Ask this question on a
regular basis, and you’ll make kindness a habit.
“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.”– Albert
Einstein
5. Am I as good a person as I want to be?
I ask this of myself
all the time. Sometimes, when I’m
impatient or selfish or less-than-helpful, I think back on what I’ve said and done and realize that I could have done better. Instead of beating myself up about it, I
endeavor to try harder, to remember to allow my better
angels to guide me, to rise above the trivialities of life to a higher plane.
It’s not easy to be a good person, at least not all of the time. It’s
easier to be selfish, without thinking about it. But is that how you want to be remembered? Is that how you want to live your life? Give it some thought, and act accordingly.
6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy?
You can do all the right things, and yet live a life that’s dull and sluggish. If you let your health go, you will have little energy and you will waste the minutes you have left on illness.
Instead, learn to live a healthy life, with good foods and exercise.
This will lead to more energy in your life. And then direct that
energy into something you’re
passionate about.
If you haven’t found that passion (or passions), start looking. You’ll thank me.
“We are always getting ready to live but never living.”– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks for reading. If you know someone who could benefit from this article, feel free to forward it to them.
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